Trouble never stopped finding me. In front of everyone, i have to be strong. But when im alone, everything or every part of my life changed. It takes me so long to stand strong.. I don't know what hold me on. I'm just feeling suck in my heart. I need spaces. I need time. ):

This two months that i have been struggling, still not yet end. I'm still struggling myself, alone. Been using work to makes me busy, as busy as i could not rmb anyone. I didnt want this way but i have no choice. Not yet, giving up yet. I did tried, just that it didn't work at all. WIthin this two month, everyday working everyday facing the same problems. I wanted an end between it but it doesn't seems i could. When im half way giving up, something happened. Something came by again, i stopped. I'm always stucked in the same place. Tears dropped alot of time, i tried to hold back alot of times also. Peoples asked me, how am i gonna spend my Christmas day & New year? Obviously, i'll be working on that day. And yes, i'll be spending alone i guessed. This year, will be just me & myself alone. I chose this path myself . I have to walk till it end .

When everyone is gone. i thought you'll be there.

But when everyone is gone, you are gone either.

My heart never stopped heart pain. My heart cries every night, till i reli can't take it anymore. My heart never stopped stable. What am i supposed to do?

8th of October - Fion's birthday.

12th of October - Liying's birthday.

Half studied & half work. Sunday, after work went down to meet Sisters & co. at ECP for BBQ. Yes, celebrating Liying's birthday. Have fun & thanks for bbq for me. (: Didn't have time to post as cuz' my computer spoiled & i have got no time. Working has become my part of my life.

Will be right back once my computer is fine. Loveya!

• Computer spoiled
• No time for blogging
• Studying for upcoming exams
• Busy working

• Stressful at my studies now.
• Studying real hard for the upcoming exams.
• Working happily with my staffs. :D
• Meeting my girlfriends soon for movies etc.!
• Going shopping with my girlfriends soon!
• Have a good rest.

Imagined from 1pm to 6pm, looking at the latop for 4days. How does it feel?

That how this week i spend after schl. Get home about 6plus, bathed & sleep.

Everyday routine almost the same. One shocked news is that, this week.

I ate alot at recess or after schl. Either recess i ate rice & bread or noodles.

After schl, i ate 2bread or eat rice or noodles. This week, i gone fat & i can be real sure.

I saw my tummy coming abit while it was so heavy la. F. Going to do excrersise soon. :x

At last, i got my butt sat in front of the computer now. Fri till Tue, i've been working day to night. This week, i only have two days off which is today & tmrw. But, today & tmrw, i gotta stayed back till about 5plus for my programme. Sigh. School was not that bad, just that i've been eating 2 meal at recess. I don't know why am i so hungry. I think i work too over already bah. Heh. I guessed, i'm gonna gain weight. :x Work was more fine & even more easier than before. Have fun doing the hosting ytd.

Yes, i was said by my Sisters again. They told me i'm just like a workholic, i'm sorry that i got no time to accompanied you guys. I know you guys will forgive me right right? Heh. I can be sure, we'll have date soon k. I'll asked you guys out but don't reject me okay. Haha. Gotta back our result wasn't pleased about it. As i think i did quite badly. But i'm going to work hard for my FYE. Guys, let studied hard & pass with flying colours k. Being serious, everyday i never sleep more than 8hrs, i guessed. :(

• 3th - School & maybe going out at night.
• 4th - School & working.
• 5th - Accompany Mummy & working.
• 6th - Full day of work.
• 7th - Free :D ( Ask me out now. )

That is what i heard & see. And i believe whatever i saw it my own eyes.

Unbelievable. You did a great job, continue working hard. -'-

Fuckfuckfuck, i'm tired. Real tired and yet, i have to go work.

• I feel numb this month.
• I feel i'm carrying a bag that full of differents problems waiting for me to solve it.
• I feel i'm getting far from the earth. 
• I feel i'm no longer living with what i usually with.
• I feel i'm running away those facts that is coming towards me.

Am i? Today everything happened to fast for me. I'm no longer can control my tears anymore. It drop whenever my heartache or when i can't solve my problems that im facing right now. I cried alone myself at the side of my house. At the morning, kena scolded by Father. Went schl with my tears ard. Every period, i'm either sleepy or not at any mood. Just being quite alone. Recess & heard things that i just know ytd. Is that what you gonna said that you give me a surprised on today? I rather not to have the surprised that you told me. I went down after hearing what i should be know earlier but yet, im the last to know. All i know, im quiet at the whole day. I'm like a dumb girl there, staying alone aside. Putting every troubles that i have in my brain at that moments in my tears & dropped. Went home after that.

Things had happened already. Take things didn't happened at all? No, i can't. Somemore, im the last to know. Are you trying to show that you making my like a fool that you can fooled ard with? Knn. I don't need your apologised, keep it yourself. You can have her, i don't mind. Since you two already so close, what's the point i at on? I can't said anything. I can't do anything. I can't run away from. All i can is to face the facts that i'm wrong to start to have feelings for you. And, im wrong to think you are good at the first place when my Sisters said you aren't. Don't have to said sorry, you aren't my who either she. You can chose to have her or even other girls. Those words that you said, i think you said the same for each of the girls that gone before with you, i guessed. I don't said much anymore. Utterly dissapointed with the both of you.

Lastly, thanks for those who cares & concern on me. I know i've been working hard & neglected each of you. I sincerly apologised that i'm really carrying a bag of problems with me nowadays. How many peoples understand? How many peoples know me well? How many peoples could face everything with me? How many peoples could be there everytime that i needed them? Schl exams aren't going well for me. Work's going smoothly, only lacking of rest. Bills is covering me now. Shopping or even go out, not even have a hours. Coming months, have quite alot of birthdays. If i forgotten your birthday, please tell me. But i'll try my best to rmb.

Specially thanks to my love.

After a long day, finally i took a break of the day.

Went schl today. Sansan & i were almost late for schl but we didn't. First period of the day, is okay. While on Math period, i felt real sleepy. Keep on want to sleep as my eyes will auto close. To make myself awake, i was forcusing on my drawing. Haha. After that period, is English. Woah, more worst. I fall asleep liao. Damn my eyes, it get so heavy over it. Lol. Slept for awhile & wake up to listen what she was trying to teach us. It's recess next, ate & went EBS. I didn't sleep, just feeling that the lesson is so boring please. Lol. -.- For 2hrs, i was doing the worksheet & talking with Sansan & Nigel. If not, you'll able to see "zzZ" on my head at that lesson. Haha. Can't went home after that, stayed back because all of us have not done our video editing. So yah, i was so forcusing till my eyes was almost gone inside the laptop already. Hopefully, it came out nice please. : D

Went home after schl. Needed to work but i was having a quite high fever, so i didn't went. And i went home slept until now. Caused of the heat & plus lacking of sleep. I kena nagged by Mummy & kena bend from going work from tmrw till Friday by Ros. Actually, i could go work today de. Because she told me, if i go, they will scold her. Haha. As they said they know, im tired. In the end, i didn't went but high fever. Then cannot go work till Friday. Shit, friday i must work uh. Sakura can't live without me. Haha. (BHB :x)